There is an argument to be made that a "true" submissive will disregard their own feelings and find gratification in serving the woman in their life regardless of the circumstances. In other words, these men can be content to follow along on a path of stealth submission, where they endeavor to do everything they can to please the woman regardless of her knowledge that he is submissive to her. Her desires and wishes are all that matters and there is no thought given to what he needs out of the relationship. While in theory this sounds great, in practice it is unworkable for most men.

Simply put, the vast majority of submissive men need something out of the relationship that stealth submission does not provide. They need a formal acknowledgement on the part of the woman that she is in charge and there is an expectation that he will obey her. They need this notion reinforced through task lists, through overt control of his activities, through orgasm denial, through whatever it is that works for both halves of the couple. Yes, a woman that is truly in control in her relationship could choose to do none of these things. However, if she seeks to build a stronger tie with her husband, she needs to nurture his submission and fulfill his needs in much the same way that he needs to satisfy hers.

Consider this letter from one husband that tried and failed to submit to his wife without her knowledge of his motives.

There is no magic bullet. There is no best answer that is going to work for everyone. It sounds wise and profound for some experts to profess that men must simply approach their wives with an open and honest expression of their true feelings and let the chips fall where they may. This may be true, but that mountain is just way too high for many men to scale. The fear of rejection is real, make no mistake about it. And it is not just the fear of rejection; it is the reality of rejection as well. The fact is that some women will reject these ideas altogether and view their husbands as just a little strange for suggesting them in the first place. Most (but probably not all) of these women, can be brought around to these ideas if they are placed in the proper context for them, but this is a difficult task for most men to accomplish without assistance. Most men are just not good communicators.

For these men, this site has something to offer. The following are a collection of ideas to consider. Some of them are simply crutches for the man that wants to be direct and honest about his desire but lacks the words to express his thoughts. Others are admittedly manipulative in that the motives are not always clear from the beginning. Whether the ends justify the means for these suggestions is a question that is ultimately up to the individual. Men can judge for themselves the merit of all of these ideas. Any man that finds success or failure with any of them, or has a creative idea of his own, is encouraged to write an email to this site (mail to wrapped@aroundherfinger.com). (Please know that all emails submitted to this site become the property of this site's owners and that we reserve the right to publish them and re-use them for commercial or non-commercial purposes. We will not publish email addresses or last names.).

Write her an email

Many men find it easier to communicate their feelings in an email than they do in face to face communication. Be certain the email talks about your feelings for her completely independent of your submissive desires. Let her know that she is loved for who she is, not just for what you hope she can become. This is important advice for any submissive man. The following email was sent to us by a visitor to the site. It worked for him; consider using it as a template for your own message:

Dear ____,

I have never loved you more than I do today. When we first fell in love, I never imagined that the way I feel about you could be more intense all these years later than it was back then, but that is just what has happened. Years of being together have given us so many common experiences, so many shared memories, and so much absolute trust in one another. I love you completely and unconditionally.

Just telling you I love you is reason enough to share these thoughts with you, but in this case, I have a very specific reason for writing you this note. I want to share with you some ideas that have occupied more and more of my thoughts lately.

It's no secret that I haven't always pulled my weight with all the work that has to be done around the house. I also know that I may seem stubborn to you at times, so set in my ways that it doesn't seem that I always respect your opinions to the extent that I should. I also know that I do not always give you the attention that you deserve. Lately, however, I have come to the realization that you shouldn't be shouldering all of the housework. I should be stepping up to the plate. I have come to the realization that you shouldn't have to live with my stubbornness in making important decision. Your judgment is generally better than mine anyway. If anyone should be head of the household, it seems natural to me that it should be you. My energy should be directed at making you happy. It seems natural and right to me that your happiness be my ultimate goal. It seems natural and right that I should submit to you. You should be head of the household and I should fall in line with your wishes. I really mean this. I want our relationship to change so that we both accept your authority in our marriage.

As I write this, I suspect that it sounds funny to read it out of the context of my thoughts. I have had this sense of wanting to submit to you for a long time. I'm not exactly sure I know why, but I know it is true.

I hope we can talk more about this tonight. I assure you that this is a very genuine expression of how I feel. I hope you are willing to keep an open mind and consider exploring this dynamic in our relationship together.

Love…

Leave this site open on a shared computer

There is a certain sense of security to be found in being "accidentally discovered". Leave this site open where you know she will discover it. Be certain that you have some mechanism for knowing if she saw it or not. There is nothing more unnerving than knowing that you might have let her in on your secret.

Confess to her friend

Many men write to us wishing that there was a female friend of their wives to whom they could confess their desire. It seems that many husbands feel that if the idea of loving female authority was planted in the heads of their wives by another woman, it would take the edge off the concept and seem all the more palatable. Unfortunately, most men do not have the luxury of going this route.

Buy her our book

Forgive this shameless plug as the site attempts to pay for itself. However, all kidding aside, this book has helped many men by providing a tangible, non-threatening introduction of these concepts to their wives.