Finding your site was like a dream come true for me. I thought that I was the only man in the world that had this incredible desire to have my wife as the undisputed head of the household. I still don't know that I have any idea where this desire comes from, but I can't tell you how helpful it is to know that I'm not alone.

I have yet to confess my feelings to my wife. I guess I'm guilty of practicing stealth submission. For the last month I have been bending over backwards to impress upon her that I want to do more around the house. One thing that I have noticed is that while I can maintain this attitude most all of the time, there are other times, when I simply cannot do it. If I am particularly stressed at work, or if there is something that demands my attention at home, I find that I get irritable and short-tempered with my wife. Ironically, this is exactly what I do not want to happen. I feel like all my work in doing stuff around the house and in giving her massages goes down the drain in an instant.

I am hopeful that I will get up the courage to share my feelings with her within the next couple of months. I hope also that once we finally get this on the table and discuss it, my lapses in attitude will disappear. Again, thanks for a great site.

Signed… Brad in Rhode Island

Response from Ken: Once you and your wife finally come to terms about your appropriate roles in the relationship, your irritability and short temper will diminish, but these qualities will never go away entirely. You are, after all, human. There should be no expectation that you will be perfect once you are in a female led household. However, your wife may choose to prescribe some sort of repercussions for your outbursts. It will be entirely up to her.

I really did think that my wife would never go for this. I am writing now because I want everyone that visits your site to know that no man could ever have believed his wife was a worse candidate for this sort of relationship than mine, but now she is the poster child for loving female authority.

She is in her mid-thirties, a mother of two. She is active in her church, active in our children's school, Vice President of the Neighborhood Association, and on the fund-raising committee for the youth soccer association. She drinks wine when we are out to dinner at a nice restaurant, but that's about it. She hates it when they curse in movies and she still thinks most of Madonna's songs are too risqué for the radio. In short, she's pretty old-fashioned. You can imagine that it was not easy for me to approach her about my feelings.

I decided to just go cold turkey. She was sitting at the computer one night and I asked her if she had a minute. I told her I saw a site that really interested me. I leaned over and typed in the address of this site to the browser. She looked up at me with sort of a confused, "what is this all about" look. I told her to take her time poking around on the site and let me know what she thought when she was through.

It was at least an hour and a half before she stood up from the computer. She asked me if I was interested in this sort of relationship. I told her that yes, I was very interested. We talked for about an hour. We had never communicated like this before. It felt like we were falling in love all over again. She agreed that night that she would give everything a try.

The whole thing was very awkward at first. For us at least, the funniest thing about starting out is that there really is no major change (for the most part) in the way that you interact with your wife. There are certainly times, very private and special moments, when she makes it very clear that she in charge. Most of the time, however, you just go about your business both knowing the reality of the situation.

One day, I am going to write you a follow up letter that really details our weekly routine. For now, just know that I'm grateful for hosting this site. You have made a remarkable difference in my life and the life of my wife.

Signed… Jeff in South Carolina

Response from Ken… Jeff, thank you for sending us such a wonderful letter. I really liked the way you profiled your wife as the least likely woman in the world to embrace these ideas and then contrasted that perspective with the reality of where you are today. I look forward to receiving your follow up letter.

I don't know if I am typical of the women that send you letters. I cannot imagine that any other woman could have been surprised as I was when my husband pointed me to your site. In a million years, I never would have guessed that my husband wanted to submit to me.

First, I should tell you than we were both very happy before any of this came to my attention. We had been married for six years and had what by any standard would be considered a healthy, traditional marriage. I wouldn't necessarily say that he was the head of the household, but he tended to have stronger opinions on topics and was more stubborn than I was. Therefore, it was fair to say that he ended up making the final call on most of the big decisions in the house. I wasn't always crazy about the way things ended up, but I never got too worked up over it either.

When he told me about your site and expressed an interest in exploring this sort of relationship with me, I was completely floored. I told him that I would need some time to think about it. I knew we were going out to dinner together that weekend, and I figured we could talk about it that night.

When we finally got out to dinner and had a chance to talk, I told him that I just flat out didn't believe that he could be happy in the relationship if I was making the decisions. I told him that if he was really serious about this, he would have to live with the consequences. We agreed that we would try it for three months and see how it went.

The short of it was that it went great. He did everything and I mean everything that I told him to do. I still did (and continue to do) much of the work around the house, but he does as much as I tell him to do and much more than he ever did in the past. As time went on, I think we were both surprised at how well it worked when we just acknowledged that I was the final decision maker in disagreements. There were no arguments because we both accepted my authority in the home. It's great.

The unexpected consequence of the relationship is how much closer we have become. We talk more than ever, we cuddle like never before, and we are both more satisfied with our sex life than any other time in our marriage. Please accept my sincere thanks for hosting such a great site.

Signed… Sue in California

Emily responds: Thank you for taking the time to write such a great letter. You are proof positive that if you just give these ideas a chance, the principles of loving female authority works out for both the man and the woman.

My husband had bought me your book after seeing it mentioned in an online discussion group. He gave it to me along with a bouquet of roses on Valentines Day of last year. The brief description on the back of the book struck me as sort of odd, and I said something to that effect to my husband. He shrugged it off and indicated that he had heard that a lot of women liked the book, and he claimed he bought it for me at the last minute on a whim. Nothing else was really said about it until about two weeks later. My husband was out of town on business and I decided it would be a good time to crack the book open. After grasping the central theme, I was certain that my husband must have had absolutely no idea of its contents. I felt that there was no way that my super-macho, meat and potatoes, impossibly stubborn husband would advocate surrendering authority in our relationship.

My husband returned home from his business trip at the end of the week. While I figured that he really had bought the book on a whim, I decided to quiz him on it just the same. He said that he had some vague idea of what the book was about, but he wasn't really sure. Of course he was hiding the fact that he knew exactly what the book was about and had read every page himself. I told him that the book advocated that husbands should submit to their wives. He sort of laughed it off, but then asked me what I thought about it. I told him that I thought it wasn't the sort of thing that interested me. I very nearly left it at that, but then I playfully suggested that I might keep an open mind if it meant that he would start doing the laundry.

Well, wouldn't you know it; he started doing the laundry. The laundry quickly became the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the foot rubs… you name it. At this point, I started to think that his giving me that book was no accident. I approached him on it and he admitted it. We had a long talk, and I felt like he opened up to me like he never had before. We both agreed that we would go back to the book and follow its advice to the letter.

He's still my macho, meat and potatoes man, but now there's a new side to him. In submitting to me I think he has become more expressive and more romantic than he ever was before. Of course I love the fact that I'm no longer overwhelmed by the household work. I love the fact that I feel free to make decisions rather than argue about decisions. In some ways our marriage has changed very little, but in other ways it has changed so much for the better. Around Her Finger was the best thing that ever happened to both of us.

Signed… Ellen in Nevada

Emily responds: Your husband's prior reluctance to be honest with you about his feelings is so very typical. You are both lucky that his reluctance to share his thoughts is now a thing of the past.

My husband is about the most masculine man that I know. He loves football, prefers hamburgers to fancy restaurants, and (in the past at least) has never been the poster child for being a strong communicator.

About two years ago, I noticed that he had been acting funny. He had been doing work around the house where as before he had never lifted a finger. He was cooking dinner and doing laundry for literally the first time in our marriage. I didn't know what was behind his behavior, but I was afraid to question it since I could use all the help I can get. You can imagine how surprised I was when he finally told me one night that he wanted to try and make some changes in our relationship. He wanted to me to become the head of our household.

At first I was very hesitant. It seemed weird to me to be quite honest. I told him I would think about it, but I quickly proceeded to act as if nothing had happened. He also started behaving as if he had never brought the topic up at all. I know now that he felt very ashamed and embarrassed by my initial reaction. I now underestimated how much it took for him to come clean with me about his desires.

It was only after a couple of weeks, after he had reverted to doing absolutely no chores around the house, that I brought the topic up again. It was actually in the context of an argument with him that it came up. I was yelling at him for throwing his clothes on the floor. He begrudgingly got up and started picking everything up. I told him that if he was really serious about me being the head of the household, he would be in for more than he bargained. At this point his eyes lit up. Instead of just walking away, I took the opportunity to give him a chance to talk more about it. He said that he just felt more comfortable if I was in charge. He said he had felt that way for a long time. I told him I was willing to give it a try.

It was a struggle at first. Little by little I got more comfortable in telling him what I wanted. Still, he would occasionally lapse back into his old ways. Finally, I sat down with him and told him that I was too used to being in control to go back. I told him that while I felt as close to him as ever, things were different now. I now expected him to obey me. I don't know what had clicked in me. I guess I was enjoying being in control as much as he enjoyed submitting. Once I openly communicated my expectations, things have never been better. I feel so much closer to him now that we have both accepted our roles in the relationship.

It is completely transparent to our friends. He is respectful to me in front of others, but nobody outside of the two of us would ever guess just how much control I have in the marriage. It really is a great arrangement. Every woman should be so lucky!

Signed… Wendy in Pennsylvania

Emily Responds: I like your comment that "you were enjoying being in control as much as he enjoyed submitting." Many women underestimate how wonderful their relationships become when they control of their men.

My husband had been acting very odd for almost two months. He hadn't argued with me over anything. He had done virtually all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. without my even asking. He began giving me massages and steadily progressed to foot rubs. He even offered to give me a pedicure! I knew something was up, but I was completely clueless. My first suspicion was that he had cheated on me and was acting out his guilt. I tried to talk to him about it, but he just kept saying that he liked doing nice things for me. Needless to say, I didn't buy it.

I took to the internet and more or less discovered the existence of submissive husbands. It became apparent to me that he was expressing submissive desires. I tested my theory by writing up a "to do" list for him. I left the list on his dresser on a Monday morning. By the end of the week he had finished everything on my list. This was not just some short list of quick tasks. This was a pretty lengthy list. He spent every night that week cleaning the basement, cleaning the garage, changing light bulbs, vacuuming out my car, you name it. This was in addition to all the laundry, cooking and other jobs that he had already made part of his routine.

As he checked tasks off the list, I made certain not to thank him. This was based on some advice I had read in an online forum. I told him that he had done a good job (he had, believe me!), but I never thanked him. When Friday night rolled around, I told (not asked, but told) him to go run me a bubble bath. I had him help me out of my clothes and into the tub. Then I had him go open a bottle of wine and bring me a glass. Then, before sending him off, I had him light some candles and turn on some music. I instructed him to go back out to the den and finish the bottle of wine himself. Maybe asking him to drink the wine was cheating a little bit, but I wanted to loosen him up as best I could. In any event, he obeyed every one of my commands to the letter.

I took my time enjoying my bath. I finally got myself out of the tub and dressed myself in some sexy panties and a short robe. I walked out in the den, turned off the television and took a seat on the couch. There was still some wine left in the bottle, so I had him pour me another glass as I needed a little loosening up myself.

At this point he actually asked me if there was anything he could do for me. His behavior along with the wine was inspiring me to new confidence. I told him that yes; there were some things I still had for him to do. To begin with, he could rub my feet. He first started to do this by sitting at the opposite end of the couch and putting my feet in his lap. I told him that I would prefer it if he would do it while kneeling on the floor. He took to this like it had been his life's dream. He looked so incredibly loving kneeling at my feet. For the first time, I felt empowered. I can't really explain why, but it made me feel so very close to him.

I told him that I was really pleased with the way that he had been acting lately. He had been so helpful to me. He had done a good job with the list that I had given him. In fact, it was such a good job that I was already working on another list. Then I asked him a series of questions, each of which was met by an enthusiastic "yes" from him. Did he like the way our relationship had been going lately? Did he like doing what I asked him to do? Did he like the way that I seemed to be in charge lately? Finally, I looked him straight in the eyes and asked him outright if he felt submissive towards me. This time he answered me with an emphatic, "Yes, I do."

This, I think, was where my research really paid off for me. I understood that I had to seize upon this moment. I told him that I understand him completely. I was willing to accept my authority over him, but he must accept his submissiveness to me. Most of the time, our relationship will be just like it was, but when I desire to exert my control over him, I expect him to obey me. There are going to be times when that reality is going to frustrate him. There will be times when he disagrees with my decisions; that's ok. I want to hear his opinions. I will respect them and consider them in coming to my final decision. In the end, however, I am in charge. I know it, and he accepts it.

If I could give one piece of advice to other women it would be not to let all of these things go unsaid. Submissive men want their wives to formally acknowledge their authority in the relationship.

Signed… Beth in Ohio.

Emily responds: Your final advice is so critical. Overtly acknowledging your role in the relationship is the glue that holds this all together. I am so happy for your and so very grateful for your wonderful note.