Q: If I don't like this, can things go back to normal again?
A: Absolutely. There is no reason that just because these ideas are intended to be permanent in nature that they cannot be dismissed altogether if you find that the relationship dynamic is not right for you. Every relationship evolves and changes over time. What might be right for you today may not be right for you in two years. However, if you come to this conclusion after a very short time period, we encourage you to give it a few more months. Finding your comfort zone with your new authority may not happen overnight. Your new role in the household may take some initial adjustment, but once you settle into it, you may find that it will be difficult to walk away from all that it has to offer.

Q: Will I continue to respect my husband when he so readily gives in to everything that I ask of him? Isn't having a backbone kind of sexy?
A: Your husband will not be retiring his spine, his masculinity or his sex appeal if the two of you decide to go down this path together. In every other relationship in his life he can continue with whatever personality has suited him well in the past. If you choose to assert your authority and modify his behavior around others, you may do so, but that is entirely up to you. If he is a "Type A" personality at work, he can continue to be so. If he comes on strong with his friends, neighbors, sisters, brothers, parents, etc. he can continue with that demeanor as well. Even in his relationship with you, you should continue to expect that he would voice his opinion. The only difference is that he will respect the fact that your decision is the final say in the matter. You can decide for yourself to what extent his opinions impact your own decisions. In the end, however, having a single, final authority in the marriage is a practical alternative to the debates and arguments too often associated with shared decision making.

Q: Can I pick and choose the elements of this dynamic that I like and ignore those about which I am still uncertain?
A: You can really do anything you like. The question is whether or not excluding key techniques will yield the desired results. Of course you are welcome to experiment, but I recommend that you make a very clear statement that you are in charge and remind him of this reality often.

Q: Sometimes I prefer the sex when he's a little more aggressive. Can I have my cake and eat it too? Can I be in control of him, yet still feel like he is sometimes taking control of me in the bedroom?
A: Yes, but not all the time and probably not right away. At first, you really want to get him used to the fact that you are very much in control of the sexual dimension in your relationship. After he has become accustomed to this fact, you may certainly indulge yourself by rewarding him with an opportunity to ravage you (so to speak). Just make certain that it does not become the only way in which you engage in intimacy, and that it only occurs as a result of your explicit desire to do so. It is also a very good idea to demand a massage, a hot cup of herbal tea or anything else that might please you immediately afterwards. This brings him back to the reality that you are still very much in control.

Q: How do I know when I have taken this too far?
A: Do not assume that he will not let you know that he is uncomfortable with the way the relationship is developing. Assume that he will embrace this with eager enthusiasm. If he does not, he will let you know right away. You should, in fact, tell him in no uncertain terms that you expect his open and honest feedback regarding the relationship.

Q: It seemed to me that I really loved this at first, but now it seems like it doesn't have the same sizzle as it did when we first started. What happened?
A: If the relationship begins to lose its appeal to the husband, it is almost always because the wife has begun to take her authority in the relationship for granted. While the wife is definitely in charge of the household, she needs to remain active in keeping her husband motivated and excited about this arrangement. She does this via the overt exercise of her authority, strategic orgasm denial, and aggressively flirting and teasing you during the course of the week. If she has become accustomed to you doing her laundry without having to be asked, she might consider telling you that she expects it done by such and such time. She can then evaluate the job that you have done and perhaps choose to reward you for a good job or deny you some pleasure because her clothes were not properly folded or ironed. She can then bring up the fact that she denied you at some point during the next day in some sort of teasing and flirtatious manner. She just needs to remember that this is not something that wives begin and then simply put on autopilot. Frequent reminders of her authority are a necessary component of keeping you wrapped happily around her finger.

Q: How can I take this to the next level?
A: Every individual couple will have to strike a balance between how much control the wife asserts and how practical it is to weave that authority into the day in and day out realities of the relationship. There will certainly be both wives and husbands who cannot get enough of this new dynamic. I think, however, that this site offers a practical beginning and a practical end for most marriages. Couples wanting more will have to explore on their own ways in which they can build upon the techniques that I have already described.

Q: What are the implications of this book on the way that we manage money in our household?
A: In any relationship, as in the world at large, money is a source of power. Ideally, the household finances should be consolidated and managed by the woman. The husband should operate under a budget that she approves, and he can appeal to his wife for exceptions to that budget. If, as a practical matter, the wife feels that she wants to defer the administrative component of managing the money (e.g. balancing a checkbook) then she can delegate this task as she would any other. If she decides to delegate this task, however, it is important that she get regular and frequent updates on the status of income and expenses in the home.

Q: We have some friends that we believe could benefit enormously from the ideas discussed on this site. How can we introduce them to these ideas without revealing the personal decisions that we have made in our own marriage?
A: This is a very personal matter, and these details are best kept between the wife and husband. There will always be a certain tension in the air if two couples get together and either one know just a little bit too much about the detailed personal life of the other. If you really want to share these ideas with another couple, send one or both of them the book in the mail with an anonymous note. Just make sure that you are sufficiently discreet so that they will have no idea who it was that sent them their little gift.

Q: How can we be certain that our children will not be influenced by the new arrangement?
A: This is a very important question. All that the children should notice is that the father treats the mother with respect and vice versa. Any sort of overt exercise of the wife's authority over her husband should be transparent to everyone but the husband himself. When the children are not around, it is fine for the wife to tell her husband that she expects something to be done, and even allude to the consequences that he can expect if it does not get done. However, when the children are present, she should phrase her demands in the form of a polite request. Ultimately, the fact that this new relationship dynamic will reduce tension and arguments in the household will result in a net positive environment for raising the children. However, there is not a reason in the world that the children should ever have to understand the underlying principles that have resulted in the more relaxed environment in the home.